Fools and their money

As if the mere existence of the social networking phenomenon weren't bad enough, apparently, people now pay actual money for graphic "gifts" they can send each other:

Joni Gleason of Haverhill spends about $100 a year on gifts for her pet-loving friends. But the gifts can't be held or wrapped. They can't even be seen unless her friends are online.

As a member of Dogster.com, Gleason, 62, sends fellow dog owners virtual candles and angel wings when their pets get sick or die. When Gleason feels playful, she sends virtual squirrels or, one of Dogster's newer gift options, a can of Spam.

Thanks to people like Gleason, social-networking websites, most of which are free to join, are estimated to be making millions of dollars a year from virtual gifts, small icons that can be purchased and sent between members.

The 750,000 members of Dogster.com and Catster.com can buy gifts for 25 cents to $5. Most gifts cost $1 on Facebook.com, which has more than 80 million active members who use the site to create profiles of themselves, communicate with friends, and post messages about their lives. Since Facebook launched the gift option in February 2007, more than 27 million gifts have been given. On Dogster and Catster, members bought 1.5 million gifts in past 12 months.

Seriously, if I didn't know better, I'd think this was an article from the Onion.

Sometimes an ugly scarf is just an ugly scarf

You know, I hate Rachael Ray as much as anyone not named Dweeze, but apparently the right wing assholes (I know, redundant) are forcing me to defend her. I mean, sure, she regularly terrorizes our aesthetic sensibilities, and I know there are a lot of stupid people in this country, but I really doubt anyone's going to mistake her for a terrorist sympathizer. For fuck's sake.

Memo to Congress

You've tried twice. And failed. Most sensible people* would take this as a sign that you have to change your tactics in order to succeed. If you really want people to accept a dollar coin, you need to provide a damn good reason**. Like, STOP PRINTING DOLLAR BILLS.

I mean seriously? This argument that people don't use the coins because they don't like them? Is bullshit. If you stop giving them the option of paper dollars, they're not going to refuse to accept the coins, because otherwise they don't get their money. And they won't not spend the coins once they have them, because they're not going to waste the money either. I mean, what am I missing here?

*I know. This is the U.S. Congress we're talking about. But I'm trying to be optimistic.

**And no, I don't think "seignorage" will work in this situation, because it seems like it would require the coins to be in circulation in the first place, which wouldn't happen unless people actually start using them as money.

Are people really this stupid?

Wait, don't answer that.

I stopped in to my local Finagle-A-Bagel today, and they have this thing now where they'll scoop out part of the bagel for you. Why would they do this?

"25% fewer calories! 25% fewer carbs!"

No shit. That's what happens when you make something 25% smaller. Like, if a bagel is too much for you, just don't eat the last quarter of it, dumbasses of the world. (Granted, I don't think they charge you extra for this service, because then it would really be outrageous, but still, it's stupid.)

I could actually see a possible benefit to scooping out the bagel - it would make bagel sandwiches easier to eat, because the filling(s) wouldn't slide around so much. But they're not promoting it as such; they're promoting it as some sort of crass weight-loss benefit. Jeebus.

Well

Apparently, I need to stop blaming my problems on drinking, and start blaming them on what's really wrong with me, which is that I am an idiot.

What I'm really trying to say is that I didn't lose my cell phone after all.

See, I had my phone and my keys in my purse, and I was holding the purse backwards, and it's really hard to describe in words, but just trust me that at some point during the night, I came very close to dumping its contents out because I tried to open it from the wrong direction. I remember this very distinctly, because I remember worrying that I had almost dropped my keys out. What I couldn't remember was when or where exactly it happened. But I assumed that that must have been when the phone fell out.

So anyway, I have a file cabinet next to the front door of my apartment (I'm all about the fancy, high-class furnishings), and that's where I throw my keys and shit whenever I walk in the door. And my purse and my keys and my scarf and my gloves were all there, but the phone was nowhere to be found when I checked Saturday morning.

Except it actually was there. Want to know where? Well, the top drawer of the file cabinet was open (because I am terrible and lazy and never bother to shut drawers when I open them*), and last night, I happened to look down into it, and HEY, THERE'S MY FUCKING CELL PHONE nestled in among the electric bills and last year's tax returns. GOD.

And here's an instance where being a slacker actually benefitted me - I still hadn't gotten around to calling the cell phone company to disconnect the phone, so it still works! Of course I am keeping it, what with it being charmingly old-school and all.

*When I was in high school, I took a drama class, and we had to do some sort of exercise that involved miming the opening of cabinets. I got yelled at by the teacher because I opened them but didn't close them. "Do you do that in real life??? No, of course not! You would close them!" "Well, no, actually, I don't close them, because I'm LAZY. BITCH."

Reason No. 1 why I will never get rid of my land line

Because I'd be screwed if I ever lost my cell phone.

Like I did Friday night.

FFFFFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

Let this be a cautionary tale to all of you out there who, like me, have little in the way of alcohol tolerance. When you start drinking, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION to your possessions so you don't lose them. This especially applies if you happen to be talking to a distractingly cute boy at the same time you are drinking.

I guess it's not all bad, though. I probably needed a new phone anyway. I always liked to claim that I had an ancient, featureless phone because it was charmingly old-school, but really, the reason was that I was just cheap.

I'm sorry, what country do I live in, again?

Apparently, the FCC's recent rampage has put such fear into the hearts of the broadcast media that Budweiser is too afraid to run an ad spoofing last year's Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction fiasco. It seems ridiculous to be afraid of being fined not for showing a boobie, but for merely conjuring up the idea of one, but there you go. Can you really blame Bud for being afraid, after all the bullshit the FCC has pulled recently?

And then, in other news, ExI tells us that nowadays, it's trendy for high school students to think the first amendment is quaint.

Oy.

It's a stupid, stupid world

I try to ignore stuff like this. I really do. I know it does me no good to get all worked up over things that really shouldn't matter that much in my life. I was good enough at conditioning myself that I can breeze through the supermarket checkout lines without muttering with contempt, "it's fewer, dammit, fewer, not 12 items or less." I barely even notice anymore.

But today I betrayed my newfound serenity when I saw the sign. I was cutting through a building to get to work, as I do every morning, and when I got to the exit, I found that it was blocked off by construction. In front of the barrier was a sign that said, "Entrance permanently closed until April 15."

Aaargh!!! Hello? "Permanent" means forever. As in, not temporary.

*sigh*

And now I'm all in a foul mood because of this. Nevermind that I had to backtrack and go out a different door that made my walk longer, which normally would irritate the hell out of me. No, that didn't even register, because I was so agitated over the sign.

What is wrong with me?

This is what happens when stupid people use big words

A woman of dubious intelligence was attempting to pay me a compliment today, and she clearly intended to call me (or my personality, or something) "multifaceted," but instead called me "multifauceted." And it wasn't a typo, in the sense of it being a random typing error. She really doesn't know how to spell.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about this. It's not exactly a backhanded compliment, but still, it's kind of weird. The mental image of myself with lots of faucets is just a little bit disturbing, actually.

I lose things all the time - umbrellas, sunglasses, gloves, scarves. You name it, I've lost it. I'm horrible when it comes to keeping track of things. Which is why I don't bring my Picassos with me on the subway. Sheesh.

Why should I be surprised?

Yet again, I went and did a search for something after having made some major decision about it. Yes, rather than before. Why do I do this? It's like I'm intentionally trying to aggravate myself or something.

Remember back when I first started this blog, and how I named it Have Fun, Go Mad? And then after I named it, I did a Google search and found out about the line dancing? Yeah, remember that?

Well, I gone done it again. Recently, I gave a heartfelt eulogy for my Clairol True-to-Light makeup mirror, which had died. In its place, out of desperation, I spent obscene amount of money on a new one.

A few days later, I decided to stick "True-to-Light" into my handy-dandy Google toolbar, just for the hell of it. Again, perhaps I should have thought of this before I went to the store, but alas, hindsight is 20/20. Always is, isn't it?

What should come up as the first hit? By golly, it's the Remington True-to-Light deluxe makeup mirror, on sale at your local neighborhood drugstore.com. It's virtually identical to my Clairol True-to-Light. And it costs, no, not $100, but $35. Thirty-five. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some kind of cruel joke?

I mean, yes, I was desperate for a new mirror. But I think I could have waited a few more days if I knew for sure I'd be getting exactly what I wanted.

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Why do I never think to do informational searches before I make decisions? Why do have such a morbid curiosity to find out just how much I may have screwed myself?

And before you say anything, yes, I suppose I could probably return the expensive one I bought and order the cheaper one. However, the major obstacle is that it takes time that I don't have, and hassle that I simply can't deal with right now.

At least it's a pretty nice mirror. It's not like I paid $100 for the exact same mirror I could have gotten for $35. It's much nicer. Well, maybe much is too strong a word, but it is nicer. Don't you love my extraordinary ability to rationalize?

Let's give this one more try

So you see, I had this blog, and it had these issues, and I was too stupid to figure out how to fix them, and I couldn't stop obsessing over them, so I just said fuck it, and I started this here new blog.

But I still wanted to keep some of my old posts, so I've pasted them in here. Oh, and by the way, down in the very first post, where I talk about having another blog, that's a completely different blog, not the one where these posts came from. You know, just to be clear and all.


March 27, 2003

Cool words of the day: diaphanous, debauchery.

(Editor's note: In case it is not clear, the "cool words of the day" are not provided for any sort of educational purpose. I do not provide definitions, and I do not claim to necessarily know what they mean. You do not need to use them in a sentence. They are here simply because I think they sound cool. That is all.)


March 27, 2003

I had a dream last night where I met Chris Cooper. The weird thing was that, in the dream, my dad knew some director who knew Chris, so somehow, Chris found out I wanted to meet him, and he introduced himself to me. This all took place inside a building that, in the dream, was my old high school, except it didn't look anything like my high school. The weirdest thing was that, for some reason, I was carrying an unexecuted assignment meant for a client, and I was going to ask Chris to autograph it, but I woke up before I could.

I wonder what this all means. Probably that I want to meet Chris Cooper, which I guess I do. That's not weird. Right?


March 26, 2003

Cool words of the day: frou-frou, brou-ha-ha.


March 25, 2003

Macaroni and cheese is one of the many things that, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Which is why I decided to buy a box of Kraft's Easy-Mac the other day at the supermarket. I'm a busy girl, you see, so I figured anything that saves me some time in the kitchen is worth trying.

So tonight was my night to try it. I go to read the directions, and I'm struck by the fact that they were written for morons. Like, really, really stupid morons. There was almost this bizzarro effect where I couldn't even understand them.

Then I get it - they're not written for morons, they're written for children. Making Easy-Mac is supposed to be so easy that your kids can make it when you're not there. Except that if your children were really as stupid as the ones these directions are apparently aimed at, they're probably not smart enough to be left alone in the first place. I mean, microwaving mac-and-cheese certainly isn't as dangerous as cooking on the stove, but it's not exactly risk-free, either. Hell, I'm an adult, and I've burned myself using a microwave.

So anyway, my point? If your kids are smart enough to be preparing themselves their own food, they can probably handle reading instructions that read above moron-level. Hear that, marketing people? Feh. No one ever listens to me.


March 25, 2003

Watching Mandy Moore perform "Senses Working Overtime" last night on Kilborn was just wrong. However, in her interview, she actually came off as fairly intelligent and very nice. I say "however" because I am predisposed to hating all teenaged singers. The mere fact that Mandy Moore does not have a completely repellent personality sets her far above all the vapid skanks that seem to pass for musical "talent" these days.


March 25, 2003

If you write it, they will come

I'm getting quite a charge over the fact that random people are actually reading this blog. Of course, for all I know, people click in and out without reading anything - there's no way to tell how much people actually read - but it's still pretty cool.

I'm such a whore.


March 25, 2003

Cool words of the day: penultimate, galavanting, magpie.


March 24, 2003

I can't believe the mom from 90210 is in a TJMaxx ad now. I guess everyone has to make a living, but that seems like a pretty big step down. You'd think that they'd at least play up the fact that she was the mom, or make some reference to the show, or something. I'm sure lots of people recognize her. Hell, I did, and I didn't even watch 90210. No sir, did not.


March 24, 2003

Dealing with customer service is rarely easy or pleasant. I never expect it to be. But it really pisses me off when you ask them questions, and the answers they give you leave out critical pieces of information that you would have liked to have.

What am I talking about, you ask? Well, up until a month ago, I had been paying my cell phone bill each month by credit card. I had to call the automated system and charge it, but sometimes I would forget, and then I would get nasty voicemail messages reminding that I had better pay up. Okay, so they weren't really nasty at all. But it sounds better if they were.

Anyway, last month, I called customer service and asked if there was a way to have them charge my card automatically every month, so I wouldn't have to worry about remembering to pay the bill. The woman I talked to said, why yes, you can. So I said, set it up, and charge the outstanding bill.

Today, I get this month's bill, and there's a $5 "Payment Processing Fee". What the fuck is that all about? I call them up again, and it turns out you get charged $5 every time you make a payment through a live person. Excuse me, what? Why the fuck didn't the woman I talked to about this mention that I would get charged? If she had, of course I would have just called back and gone through the automated system.

I tend to be pretty cynical about things, but I don't think she was trying to rip me off or anything. Still, basic common business sense says that you should train your employees to inform your customers whenever you're going to hit them with any kind of additional charge. It does you no good to piss off your customers.

And that is my Business Lesson of the Day, kids.


March 24, 2003

Check, baby, check, baby, 1, 2, 3, 4

The recent ads for the movie Bringing Down the House reminded me how much I love the song "Rump Shaker". I'm completely serious. It's one of those songs that's so bad, it's good. Kind of like vintage Wham!. And I mean really old Wham!, from before "Wake Me Up, Before You Go-Go". Songs like "Wham! Rap" and "Young Guns (Go For It!)". You think I'm kidding, but I'm so not.


March 23, 2003

I wasn't going to post anymore today, but I'm just sitting here watching the Oscars and eating Fudge Mint Oreos, so I figure I might as well post, since I'm not doing much else. As anyone who knows me well will tell you, I mostly watch the Oscars to see what everyone is wearing. Because there is nothing more entertaining than seeing the rich beautiful people spend thousands of dollars to make themselves look hideous.

So here are some random Oscar thoughts:

Why are so many actresses wearing dresses that are so close to their skin tones? I suppose it's possible that these dresses look good in person, but on TV, they look really washed out. Terrible, frankly.

Jennifer Lopez looked great in mint green, and she wins points for not flashing her boobs, but honestly, what was that thing she was wearing? It looked like a muumuu or something.

Someone get Sean Connery a stylist, STAT.

Catherine Zeta-Jones looked gorgeous, but then, she always does.

Renee Zellweger's sparkly red dress was absolutely stunning.

Julianne Moore looked great in emerald green, but that dress was horribly unflattering on her.

I am so happy Chris Cooper won for Best Supporting Actor. He is such an amazing actor, and totally underappreciated. I haven't actually seen Adaptation (although I still plan to), but I can guarantee that his award is thoroughly deserved. Now if only someone could give him a retroactive Best Actor Oscar for Lone Star, it would make me very happy, indeed.

Why was Geena Davis a presenter? She hasn't done anything of importance in years.

Jennifer Garner needs to stick to hairstyles that don't accentuate the fact that her ears stick out so much.

I wonder how many millions of dollars Kathy Bates had dripping from her ears and draped around her neck. That's what you call diamonds, baby.

Wow. Roman Polanski just won Best Director. Amazing.

And....Chicago just won best picture. Overall, not surprising, but I think it tends to be unusual when different movies win Best Picture and Best Director. That's what I've heard, anyway.

Hey, it hasn't hit midnight yet, and it's actually over! Perhaps I'll have more thoughts tomorrow. Or not. We shall see.


March 23, 2003

If you are wondering about the title of this blog, it comes from the song played in the opening scene of the movie Sliding Doors. I really like the song, and I couldn't think of anything better, so there it is. Actually, I really liked the title of my old blog, what with its multi-leveled irony and all, but alas, it is no more. And don't write me to ask what it was, because I ain't gonna tell ya.

Of course, it was after I set up the blog that I decided to do a Google search of the title, only to find that there is apparently a line dance associated with the aforementioned song. GAAAH! There will be no line dancing in this blog. EVER! But, what can you do? The blog's already named, and I don't want to change it. It's a done deal. At the very least, this post will serve to alert my ever-growing readership that I do not now, nor will I ever, condone line dancing, in any way, shape, or form.


March 22, 2003

I'm back, and the blog has survived to see a second post. I'm still trying to decide what to put in the blog, how often to update it, etc. I doubt it will contain many links, the way so many blogs do. Not to say it won't contain any, but one thing I know is that the point of this blog is definitely not to be a long list of links. If you want links, go read someone else's blog.

Overall, I'm aiming to have this thing be an outlet for my writing. I've never been much of a writer (which may be obvious). In fact, I've always hated it. At some point, though, writing became something that was not a chore, even something that could be enjoyable. My first real attempt at non-school, non-work related writing (i.e., writing done voluntarily, for fun(!)) was to write a bunch of SB episode summaries. They were a lot of fun to do, and damn funny, if I do say so myself. Depending on my mood, and on how much time I have, I still may do more. We'll see.

A big question about this blog is what subject matter it will focus on. It certainly won't be politics or war, or any such subject, at least for the most part. I know what I think and what I believe, but I don't like discussing it. I will state here that I loathe George W. Bush and his ilk with every fiber of my being. That should pretty much tell you where I stand on most things. If you want more political discussion, as with the links, go read someone else's blog.


March 20, 2003

Hey, this is the first post of my blog! Actually, I used to have another blog, but some crazy shit happened (don't ask me what, because I don't know), and the template disappeared, even though the blog is still there, and I can't seem to edit it anymore. Plus, I didn't like the tone it was taking.

So, I started a new blog.

I figured tonight was as good a time as any to do it, because the SB OT forum is down, and my favorite TV shows are getting preempted for All War All The Time Television.

Who knows where this blog will head. That is a great mystery. Perhaps I'll forget about it as soon as I finish, and this will be the only entry. But I don't think so.