Evidence of voter fraud in my precinct

Perhaps an even greater mystery than how a cat was allowed to vote is why my webcam is now taking pictures in mirror image.

Incidentally, it's really hard to get a cat to sit still with a sticker on its head. He's kind of pissed at me now, but I'm sure he'll get over it, what with his tiny brain and my position as the provider of food (the only thing that really matters at the end of the day).

Sometimes an ugly scarf is just an ugly scarf

You know, I hate Rachael Ray as much as anyone not named Dweeze, but apparently the right wing assholes (I know, redundant) are forcing me to defend her. I mean, sure, she regularly terrorizes our aesthetic sensibilities, and I know there are a lot of stupid people in this country, but I really doubt anyone's going to mistake her for a terrorist sympathizer. For fuck's sake.

You should listen to this song

Rustic Overtones - Letter to the President

CNN: Always good for a laugh

I know it's not surprising he'd be driven to drink by all that's going on, but it's nice to see it confirmed by a major news outlet.

Some thoughts

Have you ever noticed how common it is in movies and TV shows to have one character make another character dig their own grave, after which the grave-digger is murdered and buried in said grave? First of all, do you think that really happens much? I doubt it. But more importantly, if you were the person made to dig, why would you do it? You know you're going to get killed anyway, so why not just tell the murderer to fuck off? So they'll just kill you sooner. Big deal. And actually, probably preferable, if you ask me. Plus you've made more work for them. I mean, if someone's going to murder you, they might as well have to work for it, right?

*****

It's not a new idea to notice that Corey Dillon looks like Ludacris. But I don't think I've ever seen it pointed out that Rodney Harrison is almost a dead-ringer for LL Cool J. I think it's a fair bet to say the Patriots have cornered the market on rapper look-alikes.

*****

I was poking around some political websites yesterday, and somehow ended up at The Volokh Conspiracy. This is not a blog I have ever read before, so I was surprised to see that someone I went to high school with is one of the contributors there. (I won't name names, the better to keep anyone from finding this post, but it may or may not rhyme with Willya Bowman.) He was in a different grade, so I didn't really know him. But his locker was right next to mine, and despite that fact, I don't think I ever spoke more than two words to him in the (three?) years we overlapped. Because, seriously, dude was weird. The one thing I remember about him was that he used to spread his books and papers all over the floor in front of his (and thus, my) locker and do his homework right there on the floor.

Anyway, it's always strange to see someone you "knew" way back when become, well, I suppose "famous" isn't the right word, but at least marginally prominent, I suppose, if you can call being a law professor and posting at a big-name (it is, right?) blog prominent.

*****

Oh, and Landru's most recent post reminds me that I need to do a whole lot of linkage updating. But I don't feel like doing it now. I know you always appreciate it when I tell you what I didn't do. So, you're welcome.

I love my Dad, but NPR is still boring, and other news

(ring)

Me: Hello?

My Mom: Hi, it's me...

Me: (cutting her off) Yes, I'm listening, don't worry. He's not on yet. There's some other guy on. It's pretty boring. I'm not really paying attention to what they're talking about.

My Mom: Heh. I've got my walkman on so I can walk around and I won't miss it.

And then she started talking about something else for ten minutes, and by the time I turned the radio back on, they were already talking to him. She calls to make sure I'm listening, then makes me miss the intro. Thanks, Mom.

I really don't know how people can listen to talk radio. I don't. I'm not talking about all the right-wing stuff, the only exposure to which I ever get is during an occasional cab ride. I'm talking about NPR.

I'm a good liberal. I'm supposed to like NPR right? Well, I don't. Seriously, it makes me want to claw out my own eyes. Call me uncultured or shallow or whatever, but they're just so damn serious and boring. And I know there's Air America out there somewhere, but I have no idea where (sure, I know it would be easy to figure out, but still), and as much as I adore Al Franken, I still don't think I could listen. It's just too distracting - as a non-driving person, I'm always somewhere doing something whenever I might have occasion to turn on the radio, and I don't have a good enough attention span to pay attention to someone talking and do something else at the same time. (What? Me, with a short attention span? I know.)

So anyway, my Dad was a guest on some NPR program the other day to talk about the recent massive layoffs and plant closings at Ford and the implications it would have for American manufacturing. And while I love my Dad, and it's cool to hear him on the radio, I'm sorry, it was still boring. I do think he had a pretty good radio voice, and he certainly had plenty to say and sounded like he knew what he was talking about, but once they got past the part where it was just him and the host, to the part where people called in to ask questions or make comments, I completely zoned out. Well, except for the first caller, who was a former auto worker and said something to the effect of, "I think all of you are lying out your assess," and then proceeded to rip Ford and mock the fact that my Dad said "uh" and "um" a lot. Which he did (probably the main thing that was not good about his performance, but come on, it's not like he's a professional radio guy), but still, shut up, dude. Lay off my Dad. And I don't know what the heck he was talking about with the "lying" comment. My Dad doesn't work for Ford or any of the other auto companies, he just talks about them.

It's kind of funny - the way the guy was going off, it made it sound like he thought my Dad was a corporate shill and probably a Republican. Which he is most definitely not. This isn't the first time something like that has happened. A few months ago, he was quoted in a newspaper article, and they included an offhand comment he made about Bush's economic policies, and the way it was couched made it sound like he viewed Bush positively. Which, again, he most definitely does not, so it was quite distressing for him. "Ugh, they made it sound like I'm a Republican!" Hee.

In other news, I spent the holidays up in Maine with my family, which was fun. Yes, I'm aware that it's the end of January, which is a little late to be still talking about the holidays. I don't care. I'm writing about it now, and you'll read it and like it. Actually, if you want to be technical about it, I didn't really spend any holidays up there at all, because I didn't go up till Dec. 27, and came back before New Year's. Although if you count the fact that Chanukah spans eight days, and the fact that my family is arguably Jewish, I guess I spent at least part of Chanukah up there. Not that anyone really takes it very seriously, other than the part where we give each other presents, which, in the case of the female members of my family, means a big stack of Ann Taylor boxes, because none of us has any creativity whatsoever. I don't even know why we bother - we should just all go to the store together and buy ourselves a bunch of sweaters and be done with it. I did get one small other present - a copy of this book, which is only interesting because, a few days before, I was on the phone with my Mom discussing what I had bought for my Dad, and I mentioned that I'd almost bought the same book for him, except I didn't, because the publisher had been so cheap that they hadn't bothered to cut the edges of the pages after binding the book, so they were all jagged and uneven, and it really offended my aesthetic sensibilities, and I refused to pay money for such shoddy presentation. Of course, I didn't know at the time I went off on this tirade that she'd bought it for me. And when I opened it later, it wasn't awkward, at all.

We did light the menorah each night, but no one quite knew the exact words to the prayers you're supposed to say, and no one really paid much attention to it. The fact is, I think we're probably better off without it altogether, given the potential for fire. This year, on the first night (I wasn't there, but heard about it after the fact, which is probably a good thing; I do no think I would have dealt with this well if I'd been there), my Mom decided that the menorah would look excellent sitting on top of the wood stove. Except she forgot about the fact that the wood stove is super-hot, and the fact that wax tends to drip, and put the menorah directly on top without anything to catch the melted wax. So, because no one was paying any attention, the wax dripped all over the top of the stove, where it proceeded to burn, filling the house with burned-wax stink. At least there was no apparent permanent damage, unlike the time a few years ago when my Mom left the menorah burning unattended, and it fell over and burned a hole in the kitchen table before anyone noticed.

Now, just to be clear, I am not criticizing my mother. I am far worse when it comes to the proper care and handling of fire (back when I worked in the lab, I set my bench paper on fire more times than I care to admit). But also, this is why I do not personally use candles. Like, ever, for any reason (it's really a good thing I'm not a romantic person - I know you're probably shocked at that revelation - because if you believe what you see on TV, candles are required for romance).

What else...I found out that the guy who was the main character in this book has now outed himself (in the book, his name and some personal details were changed), and it was someone I actually knew in college. Well, not knew personally, but I knew who he was quite well, because I knew some of the other guys at his frat house, and I had a huge crush on him. You know the kind - you never actually speak to the person, but you lust after them from afar, and you develop ridiculous code names like Red Sweatshirt Man and Plaid Shirt Guy and Freezer Man and Ted Achtung Baby so you can excitedly tell your friends how you saw them walking down the hall or buying a soda in the dining hall, without worrying that anyone might overhear you and know who you're talking about. Come on, don't tell me you never did that (really, don't tell me; let me pretend I was at least somewhat normal).

Anyway, the fact that the guy in the book turned out to be this guy has completely blown my mind. It's totally bizarre. I never even remotely guessed it was him. What's funny is that I did actually know a guy named Kevin Lewis (the pseudonym in the book), and even though it said the names had been changed, I wondered if maybe it was actually him. However, because there were certain details about him in the book that had to have been at least partly true (based on the importance to the plot), I knew it couldn't have been the actual Kevin Lewis I knew.

*****

And now the sad part.

Sometime around the middle of December, I went out to lunch with my aunt. After we were finished, she was going to give me a ride home, but she asked whether I minded if we stopped at a nearby toy store so she could buy something for her grandson Little Bob. Little Bob, so-named by me here because he is obsessed with Bob the Builder, is the three year-old son of her daughter, my cousin M. Little Bob is also one of the cutest, most sweet-natured children you'll ever meet. He's really a great kid, and I don't say that about all of them. If he can melt my cold, blackened heart, you know he's really one of the good ones.

As my aunt told me at the time, M had recently taken Little Bob to the doctor because his stomach seemed to be swollen, and all the poking and prodding and needle-sticking had been upsetting for him. The local doctor wasn't sure exactly what was wrong with him, and so Little Bob was being sent to the big city hospital for more tests, and my aunt wanted to be there after the appointment with a toy to, hopefully, calm him down and cheer him up.

According to my aunt, the local doctor had determined that Little Bob's spleen was enlarged, and his bloodwork looked a little abnormal, but the doctor didn't know why. Possibilities at the time included a viral infection, although he wasn't sick at all, or possibly even a form of a genetic blood disorder called thalassemia, which another cousin, M's brother, is apparently a carrier of.

Fortunately, Little Bob handled the big city hospital appointment just fine. Not so fortunately, Little Bob's spleen wasn't enlarged at all. Normally, that would be good news, but in this case, it was not. Because the real problem was that his spleen only appeared enlarged because there was a huge tumor growing behind it. Needless to say, it had to come out, and Little Bob spent a week over Christmas in the hospital in order to have surgery. Not the best way to spend the holidays.

After the surgery, the good news was that they appeared to have gotten all of the tumor out, and it had not visibly spread. The bad news was that the doctors were almost certain, based, presumably, on the type of cancer and how aggressive it was, that it would come back, possibly in another part of his body.

The latest news I heard was that my cousin and her husband are trying to decide whether to put him through chemotherapy now. Not that any chemo is easy, but apparently what they'd have to give him is particularly nasty, with side effects such as sterility and heart and hearing damage, and it doesn't even have that high of a survival rate. One of the doctors said she wouldn't put her own child through it. That's not a comforting thought. Without the chemo, they'll just have to watch him very carefully and hope that if the cancer returns, they'll be able to catch it before it's too late, and then at that point, they can give him the chemo. Some choice - give your child drugs that make him sick and could permanently damage his body and may not help anyway, or wait for what seems like an inevitable ticking time bomb to go off again.

*sigh* Sorry to end on a downer, but it is what it is, I guess. Get well, Little Bob.

Tom Delay, cokehead?

For those of you chomping at the bit for a new post (don't deny it, you know you love me), I have something in mind about how I could totally be a terrorist, if I wanted to. But I have another writing assignment I'm working on at the moment, so that post will have to wait. However, in the meantime, please amuse yourselves with the idea that, in addition to all of his myriad and varied legal troubles, Tom Delay is now also being accused of having a bad nose job.

I don't know - without some older photos for comparison, it's hard to say if I'm convinced. I think it's probably the result of all that cocaine he's been snorting. (And no, I have no evidence that he's ever snorted coke, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed if I were responsible for starting and/or perptuating such a rumor. I'm just saying.)

In other news, the U.S. military is starting to sound like an abusive boyfriend:

In interviews, military officials downplayed the significance of the trend, and said they do not track the number of students on the lists from year to year. They stress that the contact information from high schools is only one way to reach potential recruits, and there are alternatives, such as motor vehicle registration databases, college day fairs at the schools, or visits to shopping malls.

The "trend" is the huge increase in high school students who are requesting that their names not be given to military recruiters (which is mandated by No Child Left Behind). Maybe someone might want to clue the military in to the fact that if students don't want you to contact them, they don't want you to contact them. And by extension, that they also don't want to join the military. Sheesh. I mean, isn't part of the reason why we don't have a draft anymore that we don't want people in the military who don't want to be there? Or am I being too logical? Sometimes I do that.

Massachusetts Legislators: Masters of the Obvious

Gay marriage ban expected to fail:

Less than two years after the Supreme Judicial Court legalized gay marriage, backers of the ruling say they have built a majority in the Massachusetts Legislature sufficient to block a proposed constitutional amendment that would ban same-sex matrimony.

[...]

Lawmakers said the change in position developed as they found that the onset of same-sex marriages did little to alter the fabric of life in the Bay State.

Um, NO SHIT. It's great and all that some of them are finally coming around, but I still find the whole thing bizarre. Given that they are capable of being persuaded by evidence, you know they're not right-wing nutjobs (for whom no amount of logic, reason, or evidence will suffice). But...if you grant that these are reasonable people, as they seem to be, I don't get why they would need evidence in the first place, as it seems to be so ridiculously obvious that gay marriage isn't going to destroy society. Seriously, what is wrong with people?

Yeah, right

The White House wants us to believe that not only does the president read actual books, but he reads books about history and strategic commodities. COME ON. Do they think we wouldn't see this for the transparent attempt to make him look smart/well-read/intellectually curious/whatever that it is? Do they think we're that dumb? (Oh, right. They do. Nevermind.)

I almost forgot this thing was still here

Okay, not entirely true. I'm just in another rut. Can't think of anything to write about. I thought that once that thing that had consumed the last four years of my life was over, I would have more motivation to write stuff here, but it's been exactly the opposite. I'm not sure what's going on.

My life really isn't very exciting, so it's not like I can find much inspiration there. I did have a massive allergy attack all weekend, so there's that, I guess. Granted, this is the first time in my life I've ever had one, so "massive" is perhaps relative. It was a little scary, though. Not scary in the sense that it was life-threatening or anything, but in that I'm worried this is the beginning of a lifetime of allergies. Both my parents have them, and my mom's didn't start till she was an adult, so I hope the same thing doesn't happen to me. Ugh.

I did do something moderately interesting on Friday. I spent a few hours volunteering at the campaign headquarters of one of candidates running for governor. This is a rather big deal for me - despite having very strong opinions, I am pretty passive when it comes to politics. I vote, and that's about it. I always feel like I should do more, but I've just never had the energy. I think the last time I did anything actively political was when I was fifteen and went to this huge pro-choice rally in Washington, DC (which is a whole other story in itself - I still can't believe my parents actually let me take a bus down with a bunch of other high school kids and no chaperones).

Anyway, this governor's race is a big deal here, because the guy currently running the state (and I use the term "running" loosely here, because he spends most of his time preparing to run for president) is a major fuckwad. There are now three declared candidates for the Democratic candidates. I'd be okay with any of them - they're all certainly orders of magnitude better than what we have now - but with two of them, I can't manage much of a reaction beyond, "Eh." But I really, really like the third guy - he's a true progressive. And I really, really want him to win. His big problem is that he's a total unknown, so he doesn't have nearly the amount of money or name recognition as the other two. There's still plenty of time to change that, though.

Memo to Congress

You've tried twice. And failed. Most sensible people* would take this as a sign that you have to change your tactics in order to succeed. If you really want people to accept a dollar coin, you need to provide a damn good reason**. Like, STOP PRINTING DOLLAR BILLS.

I mean seriously? This argument that people don't use the coins because they don't like them? Is bullshit. If you stop giving them the option of paper dollars, they're not going to refuse to accept the coins, because otherwise they don't get their money. And they won't not spend the coins once they have them, because they're not going to waste the money either. I mean, what am I missing here?

*I know. This is the U.S. Congress we're talking about. But I'm trying to be optimistic.

**And no, I don't think "seignorage" will work in this situation, because it seems like it would require the coins to be in circulation in the first place, which wouldn't happen unless people actually start using them as money.

Never saw this coming

Except by "never," I mean "totally."

It's not often that I feel sorry for giant corporations, but this is one of those times when I do. Apparently, the whole finger-in-the-chili thing was a hoax. It's really not surprising, given that if someone's finger did actually get cut off* anywhere in the production chain for the chili, it's pretty unlikely no one would have noticed (at least, I think it's unlikely, but I'll admit that I know very little about mass food production of the sort used by Wendy's).

Situations like this really suck, because the company has to spend a ton of money investigating, and more importantly, suffers serious damage to its reputation. And there's likely no way they can recoup the money they've lost, and will continue to lose, because even if they could win a lawsuit against this woman, it's not like she has the money to pay them. Then, of course, there's the fact that (as noted in the article) individual franchises are independently owned, so they get hurt financially, as do the workers (who already make next-to-nothing).

Normally, I hate bringing up the "franchises are independenly owned" issue, because usually it's in the context of arguing against a boycott of the company. For example, I won't eat Domino's pizza** or join a Curves gym (not that I would, anyway, but that's beside the point) because the owners of those companies donate large sums of money to political causes I strongly disagree with (Operation Rescue in the case of Domino's; I'm not sure of the name for the Curves one, but it's some sort of pregnancy pseudo-counseling center that targets scared pregnant poor women and misleads them about the options available to them, particularly abortion - it's something like that - I forget exactly, but I know it's not something I want to support).

Some people would say you shouldn't do that, because you're hurting the individual franchise owners, who have nothing to do with the politics of the owners of the companies, but that's not something I'm willing to consider, because I'm still not going to spend money there if it means putting money in the pockets of people who support causes I think are wrong. If the franchise owners are worried about the company owners' politics affecting their bottom lines, they shouldn't have franchised those companies. Also, the amount of money I spend on things is fairly static - if my money doesn't go to, say, Domino's, it will just go somewhere else. So some other franchise owner (or even better, an independent restaurant) will get my money instead. There's no way every business is going to get money from me, so better that I spend it at those whose politics I don't disagree with (or, to be practical about it, that I am unaware of).

All that really has nothing to do with the Wendy's thing, but I just felt like talking about it anyway.

*This does raise the question of where the heck did the finger actually come from? I believe they were able to confirm that it was an actual human finger. So if she put it in the chili herself, whose is it? Did she just find it somewhere? Did she hack it off a dead body, or even worse, a live person?

**I should add that I am not entirely sure if Tom Monaghan still owns Domino's. I thought I had once heard that he sold the company, but don't know for sure (maybe I'm thinking of the Detroit Tigers, which I think he did sell). In any case, Domino's pizza sucks, so I still wouldn't eat it. One other thing - it occurs to me that I have no idea if Wendy's owner (past or present - not sure who that is now) has donated any money to any particular causes. For all I know, they donate to causes I don't like. If that's the case, than I retract all the sympathy I have for them.

Because the first thing I think of when I hear "Republicans" is "comedy"

Damn. I can't believe I missed this.

Update: Okay, upon further examination, I think this is a joke. As in, it's not actual right-wing comedy, but a parody of same. Which, if you actually went to see it, would likely be quite funny, but is not nearly as funny to make fun of. So, uh, nevermind.

Wow

Not only is Congress giving the Constitution a big old "Fuck You" this week by making a mockery of the separation of powers and blocking the removal of Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, but now they are going to subpoena her to appear before Congress. This is such an astonishing level of cruelty and indignity being inflicted on her, I don't even know what to say. What is the point of doing this? She can't testify. Are they going to give her a medical exam right there on the House floor? And what makes any of them qualifed to determine anything about her medical condition? This is just so disgusting and dehumanizing. While her parents may be a little nuts, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt because they are her parents, and no parent wants to see their child die. But not a single one of the other people fighting to keep her alive gives a fuck about her. She's just a tool to advance their agenda. It makes me sick.

Update: Well it looks like whatever they were trying to do didn't work (yet), and a judge has ordered the tube removed, which has now been done. Granted, that doesn't meen it's over, because it will take a while for her to die, and things could still change (it was removed once before, and then replaced a few days later, so anything is possible). I want to say that she will finally get to die with dignity, but that almost doesn't seem possible (the dignity part, not the dying), given all the craziness that's already happened. If there's one thing I think we can probably be pretty sure of, it's that she never would have wanted to become the center of this ridiculous spectacle. Who would?

Sunday night brain detritus

It's true what the Republicans say. Bill Clinton is such an awful guy. What do you want to bet that, under the same circumstances, George W. would have made Dad sleep on the floor?

If there's anything that would make me want to jam sharp objects in my eyes, repeatedly, it's this new Gap commercial with Sarah Jessica Parker singing "I Enjoy Being A Girl." On the TV station serving my personal Hell, it will definitely be part of the advertising portfolio.

Speaking of commercials, it has to be a really tough dilemma to be an aspiring actress, and you get your big break with a national commercial that will get played endlessly on TV, and then you find out that it's for prescription herpes medication. On the one hand, this is all you've ever wanted, your dream. You just know you have what it takes to be star, if only someone will give you a chance. But on the other hand, you will probably have to spend the rest of your life explaining to every single guy you date that, no, you DON'T actually have herpes, IT WAS JUST A COMMERCIAL.

Know how everyone has things they don't like to talk about? I'm not talking about painful or uncomfortable things, but things that are so thoroughly, excruciatingly uninteresting that talking about them makes you want to, well, jam sharp objects in your eyes (not unlike certain subject matter above - sorry, it's late - I'm not feeling especially creative at the moment). Know what is the best ever? When you get asked about said excruciatingly uninteresting things about EIGHTY TIMES in the space of two hours.

Purchased today, among other things: a "personal watermelon." I'll let you decide if that's code for something or not.

There are no words

Karl Rove as political heartthrob.

(Although, psssst, Newsweek, this is satire. But I still feel dirty for having looked at it.)

I wonder if I can use this as an excuse to go home early

I hear there's been an uncorroborated report that a bunch of terrorists are planning to attack my city today*. But I'm sure we'll be okay. After all, we have the glorious and exalted George W. Fucking Bush to protect us. He said he would. He wouldn't lie, right?

*Update: Perhaps not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe some other day. Maybe never. Who knows.

Update

So as you may already know, that Virginia bill requiring women to report miscarriages has been withdrawn. And the guy who sponsored it is now complaining about all the nasty emails he received about it. Give me a fucking break. This is (among many other things) what I will forever and always HATE about conservatives (social conservatives, anyway) - their entire agenda is about controlling other people and trying to dictate how they live their lives, and the moment someone has the audacity to object to that proposition, the conservatives cry "victim." Aaargh. God, this almost makes me angrier than the original bill.

I really have nothing to say so I'll just give you more links

First, if anyone is looking to buy me a present, I'd like to suggest this.

I was going to laugh at how ridiculous it is that Newt Gingrich is thinking about running for president, and then I remembered the last two elections, and how the American public really will vote for anyone, no matter how awful they are, and I started to cry.

Then I read this, and cried some more, because that is seriously fucked up.

But then I cheered up a little, because how can you not when you read about a 62-foot-long stogie. Hmmm, I wonder what Freud would say about that cigar.

Finally, I cheered up a lot when I saw this, because the Manolo, not only does he know the shoes, he knows the funny.

Elsewhere

This is scary, in the sense that it feels like Kos has stolen thoughts from my brain that I didn't even know were there.

This is just plain scary.