Sometimes an ugly scarf is just an ugly scarf

You know, I hate Rachael Ray as much as anyone not named Dweeze, but apparently the right wing assholes (I know, redundant) are forcing me to defend her. I mean, sure, she regularly terrorizes our aesthetic sensibilities, and I know there are a lot of stupid people in this country, but I really doubt anyone's going to mistake her for a terrorist sympathizer. For fuck's sake.

Fuck you, Easterbrook

I don't know why I still bother reading his stupid column. Although I suppose "read" is being generous - mostly I skim to find the one or two paragraphs about the Patriots and don't bother with the rest. But anyway, sometime way back when (I'm too lazy to find the link to it right now), I wrote about his penchant for being a bully and his mocking of science.

Well, he's doing it again (scroll down to the section entitled "Coming Soon -- Drive-Through DNA"). He spends an entire paragraph saying, essentially (I'm paraphasing, of course), oh, aren't science nerds and their silly tools just precious? So biotech companies advertise their products just like any other industry. So the fuck what? God, it makes my blood boil.

You know how Landru wants us all to punch Tucker Carlson in the gob? Well, if you ever see this fucking fuck Easterbrook fellow, I would like you do the same to him. And after you do that, point to his bloody nose and say, there's some science for you, asshole!

Ad Nauseam

Reason number 8,459,362 why I hate American Idol: It is repsonsible for foisting upon the world that asshole in those infernal Ford commercials that seem to be in permanent rotation on EVERY fucking show I watch. Seriously, that guy is haunting my nightmares.

And can someone explain to me these Pepsi ads with Jay Mohr and Jackie Chan? I guess the whole Coke-acting-as-stunt-double for Pepsi is supposed to imply...what? That Pepsi is just too cool, or too valuable, or...something? But what it says to me is that Coke is the soda for tough guys, and Pepsi is for wimps. Doesn't seem like the best marketing strategy to me, but what do I know.

I got Sarah Jessica Parker fired

Okay, not really, but I like to think that the Gap somehow knew how much I wanted her to go away.

I'll reserve judgement on her replacement, Joss Stone, until a later time, seeing as how I have no idea who she is. (Sigh. I am officially old.)

Sunday night brain detritus

It's true what the Republicans say. Bill Clinton is such an awful guy. What do you want to bet that, under the same circumstances, George W. would have made Dad sleep on the floor?

If there's anything that would make me want to jam sharp objects in my eyes, repeatedly, it's this new Gap commercial with Sarah Jessica Parker singing "I Enjoy Being A Girl." On the TV station serving my personal Hell, it will definitely be part of the advertising portfolio.

Speaking of commercials, it has to be a really tough dilemma to be an aspiring actress, and you get your big break with a national commercial that will get played endlessly on TV, and then you find out that it's for prescription herpes medication. On the one hand, this is all you've ever wanted, your dream. You just know you have what it takes to be star, if only someone will give you a chance. But on the other hand, you will probably have to spend the rest of your life explaining to every single guy you date that, no, you DON'T actually have herpes, IT WAS JUST A COMMERCIAL.

Know how everyone has things they don't like to talk about? I'm not talking about painful or uncomfortable things, but things that are so thoroughly, excruciatingly uninteresting that talking about them makes you want to, well, jam sharp objects in your eyes (not unlike certain subject matter above - sorry, it's late - I'm not feeling especially creative at the moment). Know what is the best ever? When you get asked about said excruciatingly uninteresting things about EIGHTY TIMES in the space of two hours.

Purchased today, among other things: a "personal watermelon." I'll let you decide if that's code for something or not.

I thought there was something fishy about that Napster Super Bowl ad

And indeed, there is. You don't actually get to keep the music you pay for, unless you keep paying the subscription fee. As the article says, it's not necessarily unreasonable - like, say, paying a fee for satellite radio. But the problem is that the ad is misleading when it compares the Napster service to iTunes and says that filling up your iPod would cost $10,000, while doing same with Napster would only cost $15/month. Yeah, not quite. Also, apparently, iPods (as well as most of the other players currently in use) aren't even compatible with the Napster service, which they conveniently failed to mention.

I'm sorry, what country do I live in, again?

Apparently, the FCC's recent rampage has put such fear into the hearts of the broadcast media that Budweiser is too afraid to run an ad spoofing last year's Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction fiasco. It seems ridiculous to be afraid of being fined not for showing a boobie, but for merely conjuring up the idea of one, but there you go. Can you really blame Bud for being afraid, after all the bullshit the FCC has pulled recently?

And then, in other news, ExI tells us that nowadays, it's trendy for high school students to think the first amendment is quaint.

Oy.

Consumer alert

I saw this commercial this morning for one of those credit cards (it was Discover, I think) you can attach to your keychain. They're kind of amoeba-shaped, and they come with a cover for protection. I'm sure you've probably seen them before - they're not that new.

I don't really understand the point of this product - I mean, is a credit card really that burdensome to carry? And doesn't the cover add enough weight to make up for the fact that the card is smaller? They try to make it seem like it will save you time, but what - maybe ten seconds if you've already got your keys in your hands? If you have to dig them out of your bag, it doesn't seem like it would matter at all. Plus who wants an extra thing on their keychain? I like to keep my keys as bulk-free as possible. I suppose if you have a card on your keys, it could possibly save you from having to carry your wallet at all, but the commercial featured a man, and if you assume they're intentionally trying to market to men, then don't men always carry their wallets anyway?

Anyway, the preceding paragraph is not the real point of this post. The fact that I don't see the advantage of the card doesn't mean other people might not really like it.

My real point is that I think this card is actually very dangerous. Credit cards have your name on them. Think about it - if you lose your keys, and someone finds them, or if someone steals them outright, they could look your name up in the phone book and easily find out where you live. They've now got your keys and your address. You might as well leave your front door open and invite them in to rob you.

Score one for Jolene the music sleuth

I found out what the song is! What song? This song from the Michelob Light commercial. Yay me!

If you too were wondering, "the original version was released on Giant Step Vinyl in 2001. The 'Bonita Fly' mix was just recently made, specifically for the Michelob Light Commercial. It will only be available commercially on the upcoming 'Turntables on the Hudson Volume 4' CD In Stores June 3rd", according to this site.

Help a girl out, won't you?

I occasionally buy CDs based on having heard a song in a TV commercial. Usually, I figure out what the song is by sticking a snippet of the lyrics from the commercial into Google. It works pretty well, as long as the commercial has enough decipherable, unique lyrics.

There's this new Michelob Light ad that has this great song that I would love a copy of. Only problem is that the song is in Spanish, and I don't know Spanish well enough to pick out any of the words. (It's actually possible it could be in Portuguese, but it's hard for me to tell. I do think it's probably Spanish.) It's sung by a woman. The commercial has a guy in a hotel hallway, and then at some point there's a woman, and she invites him into her hotel room or something, and it ends with one of them putting a tie on the doorknob.

Has anyone out there seen this commercial? More importantly, does anyone know what the name of the song is and who sings it? If you do, please email me.

Of course, with my luck, whoever sings this song will turn out to be the Spanish equivalent of Britney Spears (or Mandy Moore! Ha! Ha ha!), and I will be forever shamed by having publicly stated that I liked it. I guess there are risks with everything in life, and this is one I'll have to take.

Let's give this one more try

So you see, I had this blog, and it had these issues, and I was too stupid to figure out how to fix them, and I couldn't stop obsessing over them, so I just said fuck it, and I started this here new blog.

But I still wanted to keep some of my old posts, so I've pasted them in here. Oh, and by the way, down in the very first post, where I talk about having another blog, that's a completely different blog, not the one where these posts came from. You know, just to be clear and all.


March 27, 2003

Cool words of the day: diaphanous, debauchery.

(Editor's note: In case it is not clear, the "cool words of the day" are not provided for any sort of educational purpose. I do not provide definitions, and I do not claim to necessarily know what they mean. You do not need to use them in a sentence. They are here simply because I think they sound cool. That is all.)


March 27, 2003

I had a dream last night where I met Chris Cooper. The weird thing was that, in the dream, my dad knew some director who knew Chris, so somehow, Chris found out I wanted to meet him, and he introduced himself to me. This all took place inside a building that, in the dream, was my old high school, except it didn't look anything like my high school. The weirdest thing was that, for some reason, I was carrying an unexecuted assignment meant for a client, and I was going to ask Chris to autograph it, but I woke up before I could.

I wonder what this all means. Probably that I want to meet Chris Cooper, which I guess I do. That's not weird. Right?


March 26, 2003

Cool words of the day: frou-frou, brou-ha-ha.


March 25, 2003

Macaroni and cheese is one of the many things that, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Which is why I decided to buy a box of Kraft's Easy-Mac the other day at the supermarket. I'm a busy girl, you see, so I figured anything that saves me some time in the kitchen is worth trying.

So tonight was my night to try it. I go to read the directions, and I'm struck by the fact that they were written for morons. Like, really, really stupid morons. There was almost this bizzarro effect where I couldn't even understand them.

Then I get it - they're not written for morons, they're written for children. Making Easy-Mac is supposed to be so easy that your kids can make it when you're not there. Except that if your children were really as stupid as the ones these directions are apparently aimed at, they're probably not smart enough to be left alone in the first place. I mean, microwaving mac-and-cheese certainly isn't as dangerous as cooking on the stove, but it's not exactly risk-free, either. Hell, I'm an adult, and I've burned myself using a microwave.

So anyway, my point? If your kids are smart enough to be preparing themselves their own food, they can probably handle reading instructions that read above moron-level. Hear that, marketing people? Feh. No one ever listens to me.


March 25, 2003

Watching Mandy Moore perform "Senses Working Overtime" last night on Kilborn was just wrong. However, in her interview, she actually came off as fairly intelligent and very nice. I say "however" because I am predisposed to hating all teenaged singers. The mere fact that Mandy Moore does not have a completely repellent personality sets her far above all the vapid skanks that seem to pass for musical "talent" these days.


March 25, 2003

If you write it, they will come

I'm getting quite a charge over the fact that random people are actually reading this blog. Of course, for all I know, people click in and out without reading anything - there's no way to tell how much people actually read - but it's still pretty cool.

I'm such a whore.


March 25, 2003

Cool words of the day: penultimate, galavanting, magpie.


March 24, 2003

I can't believe the mom from 90210 is in a TJMaxx ad now. I guess everyone has to make a living, but that seems like a pretty big step down. You'd think that they'd at least play up the fact that she was the mom, or make some reference to the show, or something. I'm sure lots of people recognize her. Hell, I did, and I didn't even watch 90210. No sir, did not.


March 24, 2003

Dealing with customer service is rarely easy or pleasant. I never expect it to be. But it really pisses me off when you ask them questions, and the answers they give you leave out critical pieces of information that you would have liked to have.

What am I talking about, you ask? Well, up until a month ago, I had been paying my cell phone bill each month by credit card. I had to call the automated system and charge it, but sometimes I would forget, and then I would get nasty voicemail messages reminding that I had better pay up. Okay, so they weren't really nasty at all. But it sounds better if they were.

Anyway, last month, I called customer service and asked if there was a way to have them charge my card automatically every month, so I wouldn't have to worry about remembering to pay the bill. The woman I talked to said, why yes, you can. So I said, set it up, and charge the outstanding bill.

Today, I get this month's bill, and there's a $5 "Payment Processing Fee". What the fuck is that all about? I call them up again, and it turns out you get charged $5 every time you make a payment through a live person. Excuse me, what? Why the fuck didn't the woman I talked to about this mention that I would get charged? If she had, of course I would have just called back and gone through the automated system.

I tend to be pretty cynical about things, but I don't think she was trying to rip me off or anything. Still, basic common business sense says that you should train your employees to inform your customers whenever you're going to hit them with any kind of additional charge. It does you no good to piss off your customers.

And that is my Business Lesson of the Day, kids.


March 24, 2003

Check, baby, check, baby, 1, 2, 3, 4

The recent ads for the movie Bringing Down the House reminded me how much I love the song "Rump Shaker". I'm completely serious. It's one of those songs that's so bad, it's good. Kind of like vintage Wham!. And I mean really old Wham!, from before "Wake Me Up, Before You Go-Go". Songs like "Wham! Rap" and "Young Guns (Go For It!)". You think I'm kidding, but I'm so not.


March 23, 2003

I wasn't going to post anymore today, but I'm just sitting here watching the Oscars and eating Fudge Mint Oreos, so I figure I might as well post, since I'm not doing much else. As anyone who knows me well will tell you, I mostly watch the Oscars to see what everyone is wearing. Because there is nothing more entertaining than seeing the rich beautiful people spend thousands of dollars to make themselves look hideous.

So here are some random Oscar thoughts:

Why are so many actresses wearing dresses that are so close to their skin tones? I suppose it's possible that these dresses look good in person, but on TV, they look really washed out. Terrible, frankly.

Jennifer Lopez looked great in mint green, and she wins points for not flashing her boobs, but honestly, what was that thing she was wearing? It looked like a muumuu or something.

Someone get Sean Connery a stylist, STAT.

Catherine Zeta-Jones looked gorgeous, but then, she always does.

Renee Zellweger's sparkly red dress was absolutely stunning.

Julianne Moore looked great in emerald green, but that dress was horribly unflattering on her.

I am so happy Chris Cooper won for Best Supporting Actor. He is such an amazing actor, and totally underappreciated. I haven't actually seen Adaptation (although I still plan to), but I can guarantee that his award is thoroughly deserved. Now if only someone could give him a retroactive Best Actor Oscar for Lone Star, it would make me very happy, indeed.

Why was Geena Davis a presenter? She hasn't done anything of importance in years.

Jennifer Garner needs to stick to hairstyles that don't accentuate the fact that her ears stick out so much.

I wonder how many millions of dollars Kathy Bates had dripping from her ears and draped around her neck. That's what you call diamonds, baby.

Wow. Roman Polanski just won Best Director. Amazing.

And....Chicago just won best picture. Overall, not surprising, but I think it tends to be unusual when different movies win Best Picture and Best Director. That's what I've heard, anyway.

Hey, it hasn't hit midnight yet, and it's actually over! Perhaps I'll have more thoughts tomorrow. Or not. We shall see.


March 23, 2003

If you are wondering about the title of this blog, it comes from the song played in the opening scene of the movie Sliding Doors. I really like the song, and I couldn't think of anything better, so there it is. Actually, I really liked the title of my old blog, what with its multi-leveled irony and all, but alas, it is no more. And don't write me to ask what it was, because I ain't gonna tell ya.

Of course, it was after I set up the blog that I decided to do a Google search of the title, only to find that there is apparently a line dance associated with the aforementioned song. GAAAH! There will be no line dancing in this blog. EVER! But, what can you do? The blog's already named, and I don't want to change it. It's a done deal. At the very least, this post will serve to alert my ever-growing readership that I do not now, nor will I ever, condone line dancing, in any way, shape, or form.


March 22, 2003

I'm back, and the blog has survived to see a second post. I'm still trying to decide what to put in the blog, how often to update it, etc. I doubt it will contain many links, the way so many blogs do. Not to say it won't contain any, but one thing I know is that the point of this blog is definitely not to be a long list of links. If you want links, go read someone else's blog.

Overall, I'm aiming to have this thing be an outlet for my writing. I've never been much of a writer (which may be obvious). In fact, I've always hated it. At some point, though, writing became something that was not a chore, even something that could be enjoyable. My first real attempt at non-school, non-work related writing (i.e., writing done voluntarily, for fun(!)) was to write a bunch of SB episode summaries. They were a lot of fun to do, and damn funny, if I do say so myself. Depending on my mood, and on how much time I have, I still may do more. We'll see.

A big question about this blog is what subject matter it will focus on. It certainly won't be politics or war, or any such subject, at least for the most part. I know what I think and what I believe, but I don't like discussing it. I will state here that I loathe George W. Bush and his ilk with every fiber of my being. That should pretty much tell you where I stand on most things. If you want more political discussion, as with the links, go read someone else's blog.


March 20, 2003

Hey, this is the first post of my blog! Actually, I used to have another blog, but some crazy shit happened (don't ask me what, because I don't know), and the template disappeared, even though the blog is still there, and I can't seem to edit it anymore. Plus, I didn't like the tone it was taking.

So, I started a new blog.

I figured tonight was as good a time as any to do it, because the SB OT forum is down, and my favorite TV shows are getting preempted for All War All The Time Television.

Who knows where this blog will head. That is a great mystery. Perhaps I'll forget about it as soon as I finish, and this will be the only entry. But I don't think so.