It's always something

The good news is, I remembered my subway pass today. However, my morning commute still managed to produce a fair amount of cursing.

On the way in this morning, I had to make an extra stop to pick up a bunch of books. For some unknown reason (probably because people enjoy making my life difficult), these books could only be picked up today between 10 and 6. Thanks, it's not like I have A JOB or anything.

Despite the fact that picking up the books should have been a fairly simple task, I managed to get lost on my way there (okay, more like I walked three blocks too far because I missed a street sign, but still, it was annoying), took the subway the wrong way because I wasn't paying attention, forcing me to have to get off and go outside in order to go in the right direction, and nearly died of heat exhaustion because I had no idea it was going to be warm and sunny today, and I was wearing a sweater and lugging 35 pounds of books all over the city and up and down a million flights of stairs because all the escalators were out of service.

So I get into work, and I'm literally dripping with sweat. And within minutes of sitting down at my desk, my boss knocks on my door.

Boss: What's with the suitcase? Are you going somewhere?

Me: (trying to discreetly blot the sweat from my face with a tissue) No...that's for those books I had to pick up this morning.

Boss: Hey, can you come meet this client who came by the office?

Me: Like, right now?

Boss: Yeah, right now.

Me: Are you sure you want me to be meeting clients looking like...this?

Boss: Yeah, don't worry about it! You're fine.

And then he just stood there and laughed at me as I silently repeated to myself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

How to start your day off right

1. Leave apartment.

2. Realize, halfway to subway stop, that a new month has started, and new month's subway pass is still sitting in apartment.

3. Curse.

4. Decide to pay $1.50 to get on subway, because it would take too long to go back and get subway pass.

5. Check wallet. Realize wallet only contains twenties, which are not accepted by change machine at subway stop.

6. Curse.

7. Decide to stop at coffee shop to buy coffee in order to get change, despite fact that office has coffee for free, in which case coffee should never be paid for, on principle.

8. Buy coffee. Ask clerk for $1.50 in change.

9. Exit coffee shop. See train pulling into stop. Run to stop in order to catch train. Spill coffee on self.

10. Curse.

11. Realize, once at stop, that clerk in fact gave only $1.00 in change, not $1.50. Frantically try to put five-dollar bill in change machine, only to be denied because change machine apparently only accepts brand new bills. Decide, perhaps foolishly, that saving fifteen minutes is not worth handing over entire five-dollar bill.

11. Miss train.

12. Curse.

13. Ask people at stop if anyone has change for a five.

14. Stop after realizing people appear to think you are begging, not asking for an equal exchange.

15. Curse people who won't even bother to check to see if they have change, despite fact that they're just standing around doing nothing.

15. Run over to convenience store. Buy pack of gum. Get another dollar in quarters.

16. Get on train.

17. The end.

Jolene writes letters

Dear My Boss:

PLEASE STOP BUGGING ME. I am working on that project and I will LET YOU KNOW when it's done. Leave me the hell alone.

Love,

Jolene

*****

Dear Lady In The Lobby With The Worst Fashion Sense I Have Ever Seen In A Long Time:

Please dress better. You are hurting my eyes.

Love,

Jolene

*****

Dear Lunch Place In My Building:

Please stop sucking so much. You never have anything I want to eat. And you run out of everthing by 1:00 in the afternoon, so you suck even more. Also, when I ask for "a couple" of pickles, it means two, not one.

Love,

Jolene

*****

Dear Govermental Agency I Have To Deal With:

Please stop having so many damn deadlines.

Love,

Jolene

*****

Dear Subway:

PLEASE STOP FUCKING BREAKING DOWN ALL THE TIME WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET TO WORK. I really don't appreciate having to get off the fucking train, and then being told that fucking shuttle buses are coming, except they never fucking show up, and then I have to walk fifteen fucking minutes outside to get to the next fucking stop where the fucking trains aren't broken down anymore, making me late and also all sweaty. And also, I'm sure all the people waiting at the stop where you made us get off the train really appreciated the fact that no one told them the train was broken down, despite the fact that there were about ten transit authority guys milling around doing nothing, AND despite the fact that everyone was already GETTING OFF THE TRAIN. Good work, geniuses. And they wonder why more people don't take the subway.

And now I've been in a fucking bad mood all day and it's all your fucking fault.

Love,

Jolene

On winter

Just the other day, I commented to someone here at work that, while I wasn't crazy about the cold or the snow, they didn't actually bother me that much - the thing I really hate the most about the winter is the grime. See, everytime it snows, they dump several tons of sand and salt all over the streets and the sidewalks. Then the snow melts, you're left with a slushy, muddy, salty mess, and if it has snowed multiple times, the sand builds up so much that you wonder if maybe you've accidentally stumbled onto the beach. And it doesn't stay where they put it, either. No, it gets tracked everywhere - into the subway stations, into the lobby of my office building (where the floor now looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years, despite the fact that they appear to clean it almost every day), into my apartment. I've ruined several pairs of pants because no matter what shoes or boots I wear, they all kick up a nasty mud spray, and by the time I get to work, the backs of my legs are covered in mud spots. And that shit stains, you know.

But anyway, as I said above, as of a few days ago, that was my main complaint about winter - the grime. Not the snow, or the cold.

And then we got this big-ass blizzard this weekend. And I remembered that I do in fact hate the snow, and the cold.

I take the subway to work. Except it's not actually 'sub' where I get on - it's an above-ground trolley (which later goes underground and becomes part of the subway). Which means you have to wait outside for it. And because they like to torture me (I know it for sure - they have meetings where they plan how best to do it - BECAUSE THEY HATE ME), the trains always seem to take longer to get there the colder it is. This morning, I had to wait about twenty minutes for the freakin' train. I am pretty sure if anyone had touched my face, it would have shattered into a million frozen pieces.

So I'm rethinking my I-don't-hate-the-cold-so-much stance.

And the snow. Oh lord, the snow. They actually did a fairly good job clearing all the sidewalks, but given that they had almost a full day to do it, you would hope so. But anyway, here's the thing that really bugs the shit out of me. I have to cross a pretty major intersection to get to the subway from my apartment. In order to cross, you have to go over a large traffic island. They never plow this island, at least not for several days after a storm. So in order to cross the intersection, you either have to walk around the island and risk certain death from all the speeding cars, or climb through, in this case, knee-deep dirty snow (oh, it looks pretty and clean and white on top, but dig down and sure enough, you'll find all the mud). The thing that I can never figure out is that, even though they don't plow a path across the island, they do plow an outlet to the sidewalk on the other side of the street. The thing is, the only people who would use that outlet are people crossing the island. So...what's the point? I mean, either plow both or plow neither, but why do it only halfway?

I guess I shouldn't complain, though. Several apartments ago, I lived on this tiny little side street, and after this big snowstorm, they didn't plow the street for three days. Not just the sidewalk, but the actual STREET, and this in a place where snow is normal, not the kind of place where an inch of snow shuts down the entire city. Thankfully, I didn't have to drive anywhere (that happens when you don't even have a car in the first place), but I'm not sure what I would have done if I did.

Sigh. Is it springtime yet?