Jolene writes letters

Dear My Boss:

PLEASE STOP BUGGING ME. I am working on that project and I will LET YOU KNOW when it's done. Leave me the hell alone.

Love,

Jolene

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Dear Lady In The Lobby With The Worst Fashion Sense I Have Ever Seen In A Long Time:

Please dress better. You are hurting my eyes.

Love,

Jolene

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Dear Lunch Place In My Building:

Please stop sucking so much. You never have anything I want to eat. And you run out of everthing by 1:00 in the afternoon, so you suck even more. Also, when I ask for "a couple" of pickles, it means two, not one.

Love,

Jolene

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Dear Govermental Agency I Have To Deal With:

Please stop having so many damn deadlines.

Love,

Jolene

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Dear Subway:

PLEASE STOP FUCKING BREAKING DOWN ALL THE TIME WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET TO WORK. I really don't appreciate having to get off the fucking train, and then being told that fucking shuttle buses are coming, except they never fucking show up, and then I have to walk fifteen fucking minutes outside to get to the next fucking stop where the fucking trains aren't broken down anymore, making me late and also all sweaty. And also, I'm sure all the people waiting at the stop where you made us get off the train really appreciated the fact that no one told them the train was broken down, despite the fact that there were about ten transit authority guys milling around doing nothing, AND despite the fact that everyone was already GETTING OFF THE TRAIN. Good work, geniuses. And they wonder why more people don't take the subway.

And now I've been in a fucking bad mood all day and it's all your fucking fault.

Love,

Jolene

File this one under Things That Really Should Be Understood

Dear My Boss:

Please kindly refrain from asking other people in the office to forge my signature on stuff. It's a little disconcerting to open up a file and see my signature, except it's not my signature. That is all.

Love,

Jolene

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Apparently I wasn't around. And he really, really wanted that letter to go out that day. That non-time-sensitive quasi-form letter. And he apparently couldn't be bothered to just change the letter to his name and sign it himself. And he couldn't even sign my name himself, he actually asked another woman to do it because, apparently, it would be more believable if it was a woman's handwriting. Or something.

Good god. Who is running this place???