June 01, 2005

How to start your day off right

1. Leave apartment.

2. Realize, halfway to subway stop, that a new month has started, and new month's subway pass is still sitting in apartment.

3. Curse.

4. Decide to pay $1.50 to get on subway, because it would take too long to go back and get subway pass.

5. Check wallet. Realize wallet only contains twenties, which are not accepted by change machine at subway stop.

6. Curse.

7. Decide to stop at coffee shop to buy coffee in order to get change, despite fact that office has coffee for free, in which case coffee should never be paid for, on principle.

8. Buy coffee. Ask clerk for $1.50 in change.

9. Exit coffee shop. See train pulling into stop. Run to stop in order to catch train. Spill coffee on self.

10. Curse.

11. Realize, once at stop, that clerk in fact gave only $1.00 in change, not $1.50. Frantically try to put five-dollar bill in change machine, only to be denied because change machine apparently only accepts brand new bills. Decide, perhaps foolishly, that saving fifteen minutes is not worth handing over entire five-dollar bill.

11. Miss train.

12. Curse.

13. Ask people at stop if anyone has change for a five.

14. Stop after realizing people appear to think you are begging, not asking for an equal exchange.

15. Curse people who won't even bother to check to see if they have change, despite fact that they're just standing around doing nothing.

15. Run over to convenience store. Buy pack of gum. Get another dollar in quarters.

16. Get on train.

17. The end.

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On 7/30/2005 7:31 PM, Anonymous Dweeze said:

Dood! How many times do I have to tell you I was reading my paper? Besides, you looked like a bum with that coffee dripping off you...

06.01.05 - 1:35 pm

On 7/30/2005 7:31 PM, Anonymous Iggy said:

Sorry, I thought you were going to steal my clothes.

06.01.05 - 2:34 pm

On 7/30/2005 7:32 PM, Anonymous Dweeze said:

The frantic gestures didn't help either. Nor did the inability to form words.

06.01.05 - 2:59 pm

On 7/30/2005 7:33 PM, Blogger Jolene said:

Geez, you guys, I thought you'd have a little more sympathy for the mentally disturbed.

06.01.05 - 4:17 pm

On 7/30/2005 7:37 PM, Anonymous sami said:

I didn't think you cursed nearly enough.

06.01.05 - 9:27 pm

On 7/30/2005 7:37 PM, Anonymous Wheezus said:

You gotta spill more than coffee on yourself to get me to feel sorry enough for you that I'd give money to you, ya beggar.


06.02.05 - 12:41 am

On 7/30/2005 7:38 PM, Blogger Jolene said:

That's cold, Wheeze. Cold.


Heh, sami - well, of course I had to edit for brevity. Otherwise, the post would have gone on forever.

I actually said "fuck" rather loudly the other day when I knocked a pile of files off my desk, only to realize that people can hear me even when I'm in my office. Oops.

06.02.05 - 1:32 am

On 7/30/2005 7:39 PM, Anonymous Kim said:

I said fuck at work the other day, too. I can assure you it is MUCH worse when I say it at work than when you say it at work. Thankfully, the room was empty and so was the hall.

06.02.05 - 2:26 am

On 7/30/2005 7:39 PM, Anonymous Dweeze said:

Sami never visits my blog...

06.02.05 - 12:45 pm

On 7/30/2005 7:40 PM, Anonymous Wheeze said:

Hey Dweeze, do you have Sami's email address? Cuz I do.


06.03.05 - 12:33 am

On 7/30/2005 7:41 PM, Anonymous Pam said:

I'd have turned around, gone home, and got back in bed, if I were you.

06.03.05 - 9:22 am

On 7/30/2005 7:41 PM, Anonymous Dweeze said:

Why yes, yes I do Wheezing Won.

06.03.05 - 11:34 am


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