New York Magazine is trying to kill me

I don't usually post stuff like this, but I'm sorry, I am powerless.

It's magazine time again!

I have a confession to make. I read US Weekly. I'm not afraid to admit it.

I spend upwards of twelve hours a day with my brain "on". The last thing I want to deal with when I get home is anything remotely intellectual. So I watch trashy reality TV shows, and I read trashy magazines like US Weekly.

I know it's trash. I expect it to be full of stupid gossip and pictures of celebrities doing dumb things. But, oh my, they have outdone themselves this week. Have they ever.

On the cover of this week's issue is a small picture promising: Hollywood Wedgies!

That's right, they're promoting - on the cover - pictures of celebrities picking their wedgies. Thankfully, they showed enough class (*snicker*) to limit their in-depth wedgie coverage to celebs with appropriately attractive asses.

US Weekly, what would I ever do without you?

Magazine Report

I read a lot of magazines, mostly because reading big, unwieldy newspapers on crowded subways is very difficult, and I don't like lugging around heavy, bulky books.

One of the magazines I read is Entertainment Weekly, although it's mostly out of habit. It's kind of sucked the last few years, and I don't tend to agree with its reviews, but I just can't seem to get rid of my subscription.

The most recent issue featured the Top 50 Cult Movies, and I really would like to know what kind of crack they were smoking when the put this list together. I wouldn't have expected myself to have seen most of these movies, but I would think that I would have at least heard of most of them. For instance, I've never seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show or This is Spinal Tap, but I have heard of them, and I am well aware they are so-called "cult" movies.

What bugs the hell out of me is that the list contained a whole slew of movies I've never heard of at all, and yet somehow managed to leave off The Holy Grail. Are you kidding me? That's a cult film if there ever was one. Even I quote lines from it, and I really tend to look down on that sort of thing.

I know that anytime someone publishes a list of the Best or Worst Anything, there will always be people who will argue over whatever was left off. It's impossible to makes lists like this that everyone will agree with. There are simply too many people with too many opinions, and you'll never be able to satisfy everyone. But COME ON. This is a no-brainer.

Furthermore, there are movies on this list that are simply not what I would consider cult movies. The Shawshank Redemption? Great film? Yes. Cult movie? Not according to any definition of "cult movie" I've ever heard. I don't know, maybe I'm talking shit about a subject I really know nothing about, but this really makes no sense to me. Perhaps there is some parallel universe where The Shawshank Redemption is a cult movie and The Holy Grail is not, but in this one, that is just not right.

*****

I also read Newsweek. In the last issue, there was this long article on American Idol, and as I was furiously turning the pages as quickly as I could, in order to prevent anything relating to that dreck-laden-sorry-excuse-for-a-reality-show-whose-popularity-I-will-never-ever-understand from accidentally getting into my brain, I happened to notice a little chart listing a bunch of actual rejected reality show pitches.

Most of them were well deserving of their rejected status, but not this one: "Pimp House", where six real-live pimps live together in a house. No challenges, no voting. They just live in the house, and they pimp.

I would so totally watch that show. A show about pimps? Seriously? That's fucking genius.

*****

Oh, and um, still working on the trip report. It's going to be funny and witty and everything, I promise.