February 29, 2004

Long Time, No See, Eh?

I just realized that it's now been over a year since I started this blog. I'm a little sad that I haven't had more time to write in it. Well, like I've probably said before, it's not necessarily a lack of time, but a lack of mental energy. Life has been kicking my ass for a while now, and my brain has been rebelling violently at the the slightest suggestion that it should do any extra work.

Anyway, as much as I keep trying to tell myself that I don't have time to be sitting around watching the Oscars, I just can't deny my desperate need to watch pretty people in fancy dresses. Nevermind that I don't even think I've seen any of the movies in the major categories.

Anyway, like I did last year, I'll make comments when and if I feel like it, updating this post as the night goes on, subject to the fact that I also need to do laundry (at the very least, if I can't have expensive clothes like the stars, I should make sure my ratty garments are still clean).

...I still don't get why so many actresses always wear gowns that don't fit. Don't they get them custom-fitted? Don't people like Scarlett Johansson know that when you wear tight satin, it will show lumps and bumps on even the most emaciated person? And what is with her hair? She looks like she bought a bottle of the cheapest bleach and colored it at home herself. It looks like it's pasted on her head, rather than growing there naturally. I'm not opposed to hair-coloring on principle, but for the love of all that is good and holy, if you can afford to pay someone to do it, it damn well better look good. Sheesh.

...This Billy Bush thing at the beginning, where he's going around talking to people inside the hall before the show starts, is totally obnoxious. I can't believe he actually made Keisha Castle-Hughes leave her seat to go meet Johnny Depp. What an ass.

...I had no idea Sophia Coppola was the first American woman ever nominated for best director. That's pretty amazing - all these years and that's never happened before? Well, I kind of hope she wins just because of that (and I can say that because I haven't seen any of the nominated directors' movies, so I have nothing to judge by other than the fact that it would be cool for her to win).

...LOVE Catherine Zeta-Jones's red dress. If she's not the most beautiful woman on the planet, I don't know who is.

...I love Tim Robbins. His Oscar is just one more reason why I still really want to see Mystic River. Although I'm still peeved that they didn't pick me to be an extra.

...Billy Cristal just ripped on George W. Bush going AWOL. How can you not love that? I really hope there's more where that came from.

...And if any actresses need a lesson on how to wear satin and make it look good, I present Angelina Jolie.

...More hair coloring problems. Julia Roberts looks like she hasn't touched up her roots in a couple of months. And her hairstyle - there's something not right about it. She looks just a little too much like Sarah Jessica Parker (and don't even get me started on her - I am still at a complete loss as to why she's a style icon, given that I've never seen her look anything other than horrible).

...Oprah, you usually always look classy, and I like the color on you, but really, I don't care who you are - no one should be wearing a giant bow on their ass, under any circumstances.

...Why do actresses like Naomi Watts continue to wear dresses so close to their skin colors? I'm sure it looks great in person, but it looks really bad on TV. And I know I said the same thing last year, but it needs to be repeated until it stops happening. It really does. Also, Naomi? That dress needs a necklace. (Okay, so I guess it's too late for this year, but if you need some help next year, you know where to find me.)

...So they had the tribute thing for all the people who died, and they included Leni Riefenstahl, which, first of all, doesn't seem quite right to me. But then they said she was merely a "documentary filmmaker" - or something like that (I may have gotten the wording a little off). I guess the fact that she was a Nazi propagandist didn't warrant a mention. Very, very strage.

...Pierce, baby, you know I'd find you sexy no matter what you did, but could you have maybe shaved? I mean, it's not like this is a televised formal event or anything.

...Uma, if you want to make Ethan regret cheating on you, wearing a dress that looks like a big wad of exploded tissue paper is not the way to do it.

...As much as I do love Tim Robbins, I don't like the black tux/black shirt/black tie look. A little contrast would be nice. Also, Susan Sarandon, you look stunning for your age, but that low dress just makes you look a little too saggy. Also, what's with the one-side-off-the-shoulder thing? It just looks like one side of the dress fell off (Charlize Theron had something similar at the Golden Globes, and I didn't like it then, either). Actually, it kind of looks like the whole dress is about to tall off.

...And hey, Sophia Coppola just won for best director. Good for her. Maybe one day I'll actually see that movie she directed....Oh wait, nevermind, it was for the screenplay. Peter Jackson just won best director. Blech. I'm so sick of this Lord of the Rings movie. Didn't see it, don't want to see it, wish some other movies would win instead.

...I thought there was something funny about Jamie Lee Curtis, and now I know what it is (I stole this from somewhere else - it's not an original thought). She looks like Tim Robbins in drag. She really does.

...I don't like Nicole Kidman's dress. Actually, it'd be okay if the top didn't turn her boobs into a giant shelf. Also, Nicole, have a sandwich once in a while.

...Blech again. I'm not even going to acknowlege the best picture, it annoys me so much.

Well, that was fun, I suppose. Actually, not it wasn't, it was pretty boring. I suppose if I'd actually seen any of the movies, maybe it would have been more interesting. There were some bad dresses, but nothing really, really hideous. There were a few political comments, but not enough for my tastes. I really wanted Bush to get slammed hard. Oh well. Time to go to bed...

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