October 21, 2003

Wherefore art thou, hot dog?

I think I am being stalked by people eating hot dogs. I know, it sounds crazy, but I only tell it like I see it, folks. Everywhere I go, there suddenly are people eating hot dogs. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I very recently attended several soul-crushing baseball games. No, I'm talking about places where you wouldn't expect hot dogs. Like waiting in line at the airport ticket counter, or on the subway. I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, and suddenly I smell mustard, and I look up, and there's someone standing there eating a hot dog like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Looking at what I just typed, it doesn't sound all that strange, but you'll have to take my word for it - it just was.

I suspect that John Ashcroft has finally caught on to my treasonous liberal ways and is now tracking my every move via hot dog-mounted spycam. Next time I see somone incongruously eating a hot dog, I'm going to do something to let him know I'm onto him. Maybe I'll make funny faces at the hot dog. Or flash it. That'll show him.

Indeed.

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